it is easy, to lose your way.

So many times, i attempted to write something here.So many times, i thought i still have the flow for writing.so many times, i tried to write something that when i read back, i can feel the exact same feeling.
so many times, i failed.
i sat back and wonder.what went wrong, where have all the flair gone?back then when i was in college things that i told you i wrote was how much i wanted to b a doctor.How much in the world would it means to me to be accepted in any medical school to embrace one step closer to become one. That is mostly required for all the entrance essay for almost every medical school i applied to.

The preparation programme before med school that i attended to was really something. International Baccalaureate, they called it. Apart from the hassle and rumble that it put me through, there was one task that at least for now, i appreciate the most. It was called CAS. The task to build up our Creativity Actions and Services. Well, by the end of every task completed, we need to submit a brief report to the adviser to claim the credit hour. A little journal, most like it. There, we wrote what we felt and what we learned from the stuff that we did. If you don't feel anything, then you ought to make one. That's the rule.

That was when, I got the flair of writing. When i truly feel it. My words with emotions.

Sadly now, I'm losing that touch. Little by little, it's slipping away, lost in the mess, hence, the same mess, just another day.

Yes i'm scared. I'm becoming ignorant, arrogant, and wondering around for the words to jot here hoping it would bring a comfort for me to share it with my tiny little world when I have none.

In this society, it is easy to lose your way. Some turn into religious root of circle to hold on too and onto each other, some light up a room full of candle to find peace, some even decided to have a shooting spree in the middle of the street to keep their sanity intact.

In my belief, the ultimate freedom is when u submit and serve. You submit yourself to God without hesitate, you serve the need with each and every chance you get..

Then again, i know the rules. I just don't know how it really feels. Maybe I'm not looking for it. I'm not looking for it that hard enough..The thoughts of course, dropped in once in a while. And then, that's it. No specific action taken..

Guess what i'm really trying to say here is, I HAVE to, look deeper, search harder, and maybe, hopefully, maybe, it'll get me somewhere.

I get to the place i wanted to be 4 years ago,
and now, I need a new place.