Saturday, 27 February 2010

Pitter patter

at 16:00 0 comments
But if the night sky hides the silver moon,
What's left for the poet, by the window room?

( and ) it's a full moon outside my window.

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

A Happy Man.

at 23:14 1 comments
Once upon a time, there was a rich and famous sultan. He had embroided shirts and soft carpet. He owned a palace on the shores of Indian Ocean to catch the cool breeze. It was filled with jewel and silk from Arabia. The most expensive incense burned in the room whether he was there or not.

Despite all the great wealth, he was not happy yet he couldn't understand what's wrong.

He had many wives who bickered constatnly, sons who fought with each other constantly and daughters who sulked.

He could buy anything he could think of but he never felt happiness or contentment.

One morning, after a sleepless night, he called his servants and told them, " Go and search until you find a truly happy man. When u find such person, bring him to me, I want to talk to him.

The servants scoured the land and one day they notice a poor man singing as he pulled water from a tiny well for his one skinny camel. He hummed as he milked the breast and shared the tiny bit of milk with sultan's servants. Even with an empty stomach, he laughed and joked.

" Are you a happy man?" the servant asked.
" What is there to be unhappy about?" the man answered.
" Please sir, come with us to the sultan's place. He would like to meet you" One of the oldest servant said.

The poor man agreed and journeed from his village to the great city where the sultan lived. He had never seen anything like it. There are so many people, so many colours, so many things to smell and taste. Sultan entertained him richly with wonderful fruits and sweetmeats, gave a lavish banquet and presented him with embroided clothes.

" What is the secret of happiness?" the sultan asked pearched on soft pillows. The poorman didn't know what to say, his tongue tangled with his teeth and he couldn't talk. He didn't know what makes him happy- it was just the way he felt. Dissapointed sultan sent him away to his camel and milk bowl carved out of wood.

He never forget the wonder of the sultan's palace and he was never happy again.

Monday, 22 February 2010

it is easy, to lose your way.

at 21:37 0 comments
So many times, i attempted to write something here.So many times, i thought i still have the flow for many times, i tried to write something that when i read back, i can feel the exact same feeling.
so many times, i failed.
i sat back and wonder.what went wrong, where have all the flair gone?back then when i was in college things that i told you i wrote was how much i wanted to b a doctor.How much in the world would it means to me to be accepted in any medical school to embrace one step closer to become one. That is mostly required for all the entrance essay for almost every medical school i applied to.

The preparation programme before med school that i attended to was really something. International Baccalaureate, they called it. Apart from the hassle and rumble that it put me through, there was one task that at least for now, i appreciate the most. It was called CAS. The task to build up our Creativity Actions and Services. Well, by the end of every task completed, we need to submit a brief report to the adviser to claim the credit hour. A little journal, most like it. There, we wrote what we felt and what we learned from the stuff that we did. If you don't feel anything, then you ought to make one. That's the rule.

That was when, I got the flair of writing. When i truly feel it. My words with emotions.

Sadly now, I'm losing that touch. Little by little, it's slipping away, lost in the mess, hence, the same mess, just another day.

Yes i'm scared. I'm becoming ignorant, arrogant, and wondering around for the words to jot here hoping it would bring a comfort for me to share it with my tiny little world when I have none.

In this society, it is easy to lose your way. Some turn into religious root of circle to hold on too and onto each other, some light up a room full of candle to find peace, some even decided to have a shooting spree in the middle of the street to keep their sanity intact.

In my belief, the ultimate freedom is when u submit and serve. You submit yourself to God without hesitate, you serve the need with each and every chance you get..

Then again, i know the rules. I just don't know how it really feels. Maybe I'm not looking for it. I'm not looking for it that hard enough..The thoughts of course, dropped in once in a while. And then, that's it. No specific action taken..

Guess what i'm really trying to say here is, I HAVE to, look deeper, search harder, and maybe, hopefully, maybe, it'll get me somewhere.

I get to the place i wanted to be 4 years ago,
and now, I need a new place.

Saturday, 20 February 2010

so long lone winter..

at 16:43 0 comments

You're melting, finally..
Not that i hate u, not that i ever forget u are one of the reason i travel a thousands of miles to get here..
Even at times i wished you wouldn't be so cruel,
Despite the gentle soft of white flakes you tempt to elude..

You're melting, finally..
For the third time, you glide..
Oh, how i remember that first time we met..
Jumping in joy like a roasted cricket..

You're melting, finally..
Wiped away by the hailing rain,
Wet the earth for the bud time fain..

So long lone winter..
Till we meet hereby after,
For I'll always remember..
The warmth of blanket and the comfy bolster..

Sunday, 14 February 2010

to her, whom i adore.....

at 22:49 2 comments
Dear Hannah..

Its almost your birthday here, counting my hours..u already is officially 22 there back home..happy birthday dear..
I know how inappropriate this is to write down publicly my little birthday wish but i couldn't figure out (at this moment) how more to express how much u meant to me, and how i missed those days and i couldn't even recall when was the last time we celebrate our birthday together..
As im writing this, the snow really is wiping down my white window mp3 is currently playing Better Man by Robbie William..

Oh, Give me endless summer, Lord i feel the cold...

I had my heater on, but it's still chilly.
Until today, i honestly still remember how it feels to sit in class beside u, 10 years ago (gosh,do u ever wonder where have all the years gone?),
how sometimes we made faces because our arm banged one another overlooking the fact that you're left-handed while i was struggling to take notes with my right hand..

Oh, not to forget, that we used to be the subject of nearly every boys in the class "discussion"..They criticize everything, i mean everything about us.
Our behaviour, our personality,our manners, every inch of us, from head to toe and back again, is the subject of gossip and debate. harsh words and shouts (even chairs, pen, ect) constantly being flung over our head..
I'm glad u were there, stood in silence while i was crying in the toilet cube...

We did argue a lot, though, mostly in solitude, when none of us couldn't find the spur to spit it out..But then again, we understood that when that eerie silence visited our friendship once in a while, we need to space out and the very next time we met, everything started afresh. all over again..

That day, when our SPM result is out, i cried like an ape when i "found" out that i get B in my English. That definitely corrupted my delusional fantasy bubble to study abroad. Actually our fantasy bubble to study abroad. You're the first person i told, and again u hold my hand telling me everything is gonna b alright. I jumped in purest joy when i found out for real that it wasn't my English that's gonna pop the bubble, but another addition subject that we shouldn't be taking in the first place.

It is a shocking moment for me when that all has to end. At that point somehow, i knew things are not going to be the same. This path we choose, will lead us to somewhere where we'll learn better about ourselves, leaving that very person we used to lean on to for so long, apart. We sailed alone. We made new friends. Little by little we forget that once, we used to be in each other's life so dearly, so close that we didn't even think that it would ever end.

Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow brings the end, but somewhere in the middle, we become the best of friends...

There are so much that i adore about a girl named Hannah Ismail,

It's the warmth of her palm that hold mine countless of times.
It's her jokes that i laugh till i cried.
It's her strong head that tied my guts when i collide..
It's the look that she has, perfectly beautified...
Most of all, missed the time that flies,that drift us apart....

take great care my dear Hannah..
take great care, because i always care..

Thursday, 11 February 2010

traa lalalaa..

at 20:52 0 comments
TAste is, havIng thE couragE oF yoUR owN conVection.

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

23.8's buddY

at 23:31 0 comments
my patient today.
gastro-esophageal reflux.
removal of Barrot esophagus.
well n happy.

i guess all we have to find in each other, is the thing that run parallel instead of the opposite.
letting a foreign third yr med student examine you is not a comforting thought,and i get it.
the only mode i have been accounting on up till now is trying to dig something out of nowhere to make the other feels connected in a way that they could trust my judgment and actions onto them.
not that im cutting them open or anything that extreme, but a simple acquaintance
that makes the examination, well, less foreign.

oh ya,

as for the patient today,
we have the same birthdate. and we click =)

Monday, 8 February 2010

It is starting. All over again.

at 16:47 0 comments
I just got back from school.its d first day of so-called summer semester.
I am excited, i really am. for reasons i yet to understand.
maybe because it's the first day.
Everybody was, as well.
At least that.
I'm not the only one who is excited when the school starts. Especially when it is well-known for its hard-core killing list of exam by the end of it.
Maybe i just need something to occupy my thoughts.
Not that I don't have enough for the past month,
(swarming with exam week after another and just 4 days break before the semester start)
but really, it's just nice to be on the move again.
Ok, i'm prolly gonna hate this post when i reread it the time i'm gonna b drowned in books. But that I'll deal with that issue later.
I'm in my 3rd year 2nd semester, by the way.
so-called half doctor.
if i passed all the exam this year that is.

The thing about beginning is that everything is so fresh, you feel like it is so possible to undergo any challenge ahead, provided you are prepared with the right tool.
Not that really actually. but you have all the TIME and u start picking up the right TOOls.
You planned, and then u planned to stick to your plan.
Everything seems practically doable.

I don't have any .

This post wasn't really about my plan by the way.

My head hurts right now. I'll b back.

Sunday, 7 February 2010

self serenade

at 02:52 3 comments
juz a minute ago i was browsing my fwen kat ireland nye fb
u knw,
typical bunch of fwen
going out n travel sm2
then i wonder jgk
wat if im one of them
wud i b happy
wud i b depressed or
wud i b thankful for my lonelines here in my rum on my bed.


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