Dear doctor.

It's here.
It's coming.
It's near.

I don't want to be overly ambitious.
Even when i had the time and energy and ideas jotting it down wasn't really an easy task.
Now that I'm about to face it; the horror, the unknown, the struggle, the unkind stage of my life I wasn't going to expect anything more.

It's been a while since i've been treated like an idiot. It's been a while that my stupidity has been treated as it is. Usually every dumb questions i asked, will be treated as a genuine curiosity, followed by careful explanation till I geddit.

So, dear myself,
Learn to accept that those days are over. No point in comparing European professionalism and respect to our very own culture who proudly claimed that "budi bahasa budaya kita"


Expect to be scold, shout at, humiliate, exhausted, stabbed in the back.
Even don't know how will you react, try.
All the zen theory you've been reading up until this point, it's time to reread and put them to test.

Dear doctor,
The very least, don't you forget to be grateful in littlest things.
Every successful blood taken.
Every insignificant skills learnt.
Recognize this. And appreciate and celebrate this rare tiny moments.
So that in the end of the day,
No matter however hell it seems,
there's that littlest flicker of joy and love in doing what choose to do for a living.


Dear Faarhana,
Do not take all your anger and frustration onto your loved ones.
They do not need to pay the price for random people's fault.

WHAT EVER IT IS, SLOW IT DOWN, BE MINDFUL OF YOUR WORDS AND TONE.

Dear me,
Dimmed light, sipping green tea, soft radio playlist on radio like right now won't come as often as i'd like.
Please, if you have the chance, put a facial mask on, give yourself this moment again.
Because that's what you love to do ever since i knew you.

Be kind to yourself.
Pick yourself up.
Forgive yourself and make room for errors and growth, both as a doctor and a human.

You'll survive this, InsyaAllah.
You always do.

p/s: I love you.