Call me crazy.

I rank the difficulties of my exams by one thing, and one thing only.

The severity highly depends on, whether or not, when I sleep at night -after the exam, with or without my credit book on the table beside my bed.

Rational?

I have to wake up and straight away check the credit book to confirm whether or not I actually did and passed the exam-indicated by the signature of the respective examiner.

Now, you see, here in Czech, all of the students here are responsible for this little blue book- named CREDIT BOOk. It basically record all your exams' marks and signatures saying that you already passed the subject and you can continue your study for the following year ( but of course they have the proper computerized recording system as well, somewhere). But this one is your record- for you to bring to the exam and for you to carry around. Like a report card in primary school that you have to bring home for your parents to sign, only, this one you got to keep it- yup, a little like that.

So every early semester, we wrote down all the subjects that we have to pass for that particular year- sort of injecting us with a shot of realism on what are we going to be facing, soon enough.

They're 3 exams to far that pushed me to that limit of having to constantly check my credit book(especially after waking up from sleep)-before i can finally settle down and admit, "yes, i did it, it's done". I don't know who implanted it in my brain that i might wake up, and find out that this is all just a dream.

Well, it happens right? When you want something or someone so really badly, the probability of them, making a huge grand appearance in our dream is super duper-ly HIGH, right?

So there, call me crazy, but these 3 subjects had successfully turned me into one.

1) CHEMISTRY- 1st year

2) PATHOPHYSIOLOGY - 3rd year

3) NEUROLOGY -4th year. ( the one i passed yesterday- Alhamdulillah)

No.No. the list doesn't stop there. There's more to come. I'll add it to the list when i get there ok!

As for the little blue book, if I make it till the end of this road, (please raise your hand and pray that I will), I promise I'm going to frame and hang it besides my scroll and on my living room wall.

Till then.

Neurotic Nervous breakdown.

I'm currently in the midst of panic attack at the moment. Hence, the post.

Few things usually wonder around my mind at times like this that i try over and over again to dismiss. (yes, this HAD happened countless of times before, duh!)

1) I keep picturing that time when i pick up the questions and I don't know a thing about it, sort of a blank-bimbo moments.

2) I also picture the moment where i picked up the card of question, smiling, knowing i would pass.

3) I picture myself walking out of the examination hall with my head down, fighting not to burst out tears in public with mind busy calculating the time i have left for next examination term-defeated.

4) I also see me packing away those neuro book, taking a deep breath, whispering DONE, LETS MOVE ON-out loud.

So there, am i the only one with this thought, or at some point you too, can't help but wonder what is going to be the outcome?

Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision

Hsi-Tang

Yes, I'm in the midst of breaking down but yet hopeful for a dust of miracle.